circusMAMA blog

my account of balancing motherhood, circus, and sanity


January 2017

A Disclaimer

This blog started out as a record of resuming aerial acrobatics after a c-section, a goal that I was more successful with some months than others. At this point, I feel that I am “recovered” for all intents and purposes. Sure, my body is still affected by having had two c-sections, but no more so than some one who has torn their rotator cuff in high school or has a bad back. I have to be mindful to engage my abs so that they do not separate, and I am still working on cuing my lower abs to fire, especially in things like straight-arm inversions. My joint stability is not great at the best of times, and it did not even start to even out until I stopped breastfeeding at about a year. At 16(ish) months post partum, I am only recently back to approximately my pre-baby size and have only been breaking new ground in aerial work in the last few months.

I remember sobbing when I read that many mothers took a full year to get back to their fitness level after baby, and the helplessness I felt when there wasn’t even a path for those who had had a c-section. Now that I am on the other side of it, I will say that it was not what I expected. Yes, it took me about a year but it wasn’t that until that magical year timestamp came that I was just struggling and struggling to regain control of my body. I had been expecting to have to fight for every motion, as I had when I first learned, and it was amazing to see things come back so naturally. Yes, I started at a weaker place than when I first began aerial (remember, I couldn’t lift my feet off the ground) but things came back faster and with more clarity. I understood my body better. I feel like this year has been huge in terms of becoming more expressive and economical with my movement, and I am a better aerialist (even if sitting up out of an ankle hang is a struggle many days).

So much has changed this last year. I am now the co-owner of a small aerial studio ( that grew out of our spunky little collective. I’m also running a small graphic design business ( and raising three kiddos. From here out, this blog is likely to be a hodgepodge of all the things that my life centers on: Circus, Health, Parenting, Creating, and generally being a human right here and now. I hope you will stick along for the ride!


New Year’s Resolutions and opposition to resolutions.

I was thinking about how my own life goes in waves of feeling productive and ready for change, and times where it feels almost impossible to make changes. I realized that the New Year is genuinely a time in which I feel primed for self-improvement and that it makes sense to me to capitalize on that internal spark. If I were to map out my year in terms of how motivated I feel to enact internal change, it would probably look something like this:

January through February: Strong drive tends to be health and lifestyle oriented.

March and April: These months tend to be hard on me, at least in New Mexico. I think it’s largely because I’m tired of the cold, and think it should be warm, and instead it’s cold and windy. I tend to really miss the ocean and feel stretched thin.

May and June: Another drive spark. It tends to be focused on getting the house sorted (as the kids are home for the summer and it really highlights any areas of overcrowding) and physical goals that are focused on abilities.

August: August is like being buffeted by a windstorm. Three birthdays, school starts, and it’s 100 degrees outside. If I can remember to shower and eat, it’s a success.

September and October: These months seem to be times of buckling down and doing strong, steady work. I have more control over my schedule, and while I’m not generally starting new missions, I can hit my regularly set patterns with confidence.

November and December: 5 family birthdays and 5ish holidays leave me wiped. I tend to do reasonably well keeping things together through the middle of December and by that point I just need to hibernate and drift for a couple weeks until the new year starts.

It seems, in looking at my own life, that rather than creating the social pressure for change (New Year’s Resolutions!!! Get Your Beach Body!!!), that commercialism has just capitalized on an already present internal timeclock in my own system. While it’s totally impossible to suss out how much of that is caused by social/commercial pressures in the first place, I think it’s useful to understand that I feel these drives in my own self, and also that I go through times in which the drive is very low. This gives me the freedom to go ahead and time some time for rest and indulgence throughout the year, knowing that I will be ready to take life by the horns again shortly.

With these things in mind, here are my resolutions:

Overall: Prioritize the small life choices that make my days easier and happier.

  • Create a more mindful morning. Make coffee in the evening. Pick out clothing. Set an alarm. This gives me:
  • Time to meditate. It may be 5 minutes, it may be 20, but creating the conscious habit of mindfulness.
  • Weekly meal planning. Prioritizing getting 2-3 servings of protein and 3-4 servings of green veggies each day, drinking enough water, and staying away from wheat.
  • Stretch before bed.

**A Note: The only NEW thing in this whole she-bang is meditating. All of the other things I already do with some frequency, and the goal is prioritizing doing them instead of allowing them to slip when I get stressed.

Do your times of motivation follow a predictable pattern? Do your goals tend to be specific or systemic?

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑